Vancouver based life coach Kim Anami works with individuals, couples and teams to create more bodacious and fulfilling lives. - Part 2

Blog Archives

The Six-Day Sex Date

December 9th, 2011

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I encourage couples to have a weekly sex date. I prescribe three-hour chunks of time carved out for sex. Only sex.

This is sustenance for your relationship.

People often ask what that ought to look like. I say, massage, extended exploration, like 30-45 minutes of oral sex. Fantasy play. Introduce new toys. The key is that those three hours have to be filled up with some kind of sensual interaction.

Me, I’m a marathon fucker. I make no apologies for that. To keep me happy, I require frequent blocks of time dedicated to sex. Like weekends. And weeks.

How do you dedicate six days to sex?

Let me explain.

We’re going to a resort with our own private, jungle villa. We will spend a lot of time in that space.

There’s the “We’re here!” sex. The “This is so amazing that we have this block of time together. I’m so excited to show you how amazing this is!” kind of sex.

There’s “Waking up in the middle of the night, grateful and aroused, in the sultry sea air, and hoisting myself on my lover,” sex.

And the morning sex. “How many ways can I wake you up?” sex. Blow-job, good-morning sex. There’s “I love that your erection between my legs is an alarm clock” sex.

In-between the villa sex, we will go out and eat food. We will need to. For this, and other public excursions, I will wear clothes. But only certain kinds of clothes. Like dresses. I really hate pants and I really resent winter for making pants a necessity.

So there will be dresses. There will not be panties. Even though the world is full of pretty panties, I will wear none of them. My lover will be acutely aware of this, my no-panties rule. Because I will find many ways to remind him. Though I don’t think he will forget.

And there’s yoga. We are keen to do yoga. Because yoga keeps your hip flexors open and relaxed. And that makes keeping my legs open for hours easier. And it stretches your chest and unwinds your blocks—emotional and physical. So yoga is important. Important for the sex.

Also, I bought new, very short, shorts, especially for the occasion. Seriously. I was busy shopping the night before we left because this is so important.

Don’t think I don’t know how I look in cat/cow and down dog. In those shorts? I feel a bit sorry for him, really. He doesn’t stand a chance.

That’s some simmer for you. Foreplay perpetua.

Have I mentioned the public sex yet? I love public sex. And outdoor sex. Beds are okay, but jungles, beaches, boats and up-against-walls are better.

And then there’s the public groping. I will grope his cock and his ass at every opportunity. While I’m standing in front of him, waiting to be seated for dinner, I’ll reach my hand behind him and stroke him, aiming to get him hard before we sit down.

When we eat, we don’t sit across from each other. We sit side-by-side. This is another rule. That way, there can be lots of touching, and leaning into necks to say important, guttural things. There can be soft, murmuring talk that says, “you slay me.” And there can be plenty of wandering, teasing hands.

This is what dinner is all about. And yoga. And everything else in-between the “sex.”

Foreplay perpetua. The constant simmer.

All of our other activities are there to enhance and support the sex. And really, it’s all sex. It’s mindfucking and heartfucking and deep penetration on every level.

That’s how you have six days of sex.

~ Kim
xx

Feng Shui Your Relationships

December 2nd, 2011

A major principle in feng shui, the ancient Chinese art of spatial alignment and arranging, is “out with the old and in with the new.”

We clear away unused and outmoded furniture, projects and ideas. The things that we no longer use take up space; space that could be used for new energy, people and situations that would better serve us.

In the realm of relationships: lovers, family and friends, this means resolving the unresolved. Saying what needs to be said to repair, forgive and move on. Sometimes it means ending relationships.

It has to be done.

In order to make room for more love, more joy and peace, all these invisible interferences have to be cleared up.

Here’s how:

1) With people who have the emotional and communication skills to talk to you, talk. Ask them if you can meet. Face-to-face is always best, where possible.

Express your feelings and make requests for what you want. Work with the other person from your most authentic places to find a mutually agreeable solution or understanding.

This scenario is best. But not everyone has those skills and is comfortable with direct discussion.

2) If you can’t get someone to resolve with you, you have to do it on your own.

Write about what happened and how you feel. Or talk to someone, but with the aim of getting insight, not just venting.

Look at your part. Where are you responsible? How did you create this?

As soon as you bring responsibility back to you, you’ve gained your power back. So long as you are stuck blaming other people, you have no power.

Glean what you could do differently and take that with you. Let go of the other person’s actions.

3) Even in situations where you clearly were “wronged,” was there a belief you had that attracted that situation to you? For example, “bad things always happen to me” is a belief that will perpetuate bad things always happening to you!

Again, come back to yourself and see where you can take responsibility for your thoughts and behaviours.

I believe in reincarnation and karma, so sometimes the origin was with me, but it was further back than I can consciously remember! In situations like this, I still look for patterns for where I might have participated. I ask my inner guidance to show me what my role is. And how to learn from it.

***

Unfinished relationship business takes up just as much space as old boxes, half-finished projects, undone income tax and messy rooms. Take the steps to clear it up.

I’ll go first.

Yesterday I called someone to arrange a “let’s clear this up” meeting that ought to have taken place eight months ago. Just having made the call and set up a date makes me feel lighter.

Do it today!

Think of a conversation or healing that needs to happen. Make the first move to resolve it.

The video made me cry. Hopefully it will make you cry too! ;)

~ Kim
xx

Ditch the Moustache and Find Your G-Spot Instead, Guys!

November 17th, 2011

Every time I see a guy with a moustache in November/Movember I get mildly annoyed.

Because I think these people are missing the point.

Instead of using some kind of oblique and irrelevant symbol, why not go right to the source?

Go find that G-Spot and give it some love.

If you wore a button that said, “Hey!! Did you love your G-Spot today? I did!” I’d be much more supportive.

Forgive me for pounding the G-Spot message home, but in the wake of a sea of November facial hair, I cannot resist.

My view of disease is that it is the expression of our unresolved, unhealed, suppressed trauma. The stuff we’d rather keep buried and not look at.

Our bodies have a different opinion. The job of the body is to bring that stuff up to the surface. And gently or strongly urge us to deal with it.

A lot of unresolved shit gets stored in the ass. In men and women. And in God’s playful, clever little way, the male G-Spot, the magic pleasure button, the orgasm-accelerator is found in the ass.

Right there, in that there prostate.

So go get ‘em.

Hunt your demons, face your fears and buck up for a little ass play.

It’s good for you. It’s therapeutic.

There’s a reason we call people “tight asses.” Or we say someone has “a stick up their ass.” We mean that they could use loosening up.

Trust me, after some G-Spot exploration, you’ll feel subdued.

There’s a lot of information out there on how to incorporate anal pleasure. Very little on why.

I’m telling you why: it will make you a more relaxed, integrated and generous person.

Ass love can do that to you.

It’s a great complement to therapy. Or substitute.

But hang on.

Maybe “Movember” really is “play with your butt” month in disguise.

See this?

I saw the check out guy at Whole Foods wearing this button. I thought it looked like two cleaved legs, exposing the path to the sacred male G-Spot.

I asked him about that.

He laughed and couldn’t remember the code for the leeks. It took him three tries.

Moustaches are stupid. If you really want to raise awareness, tell everyone you know about how awesome it is to have discovered your G-Spot, how it’s liberated you as a person and you have the best orgasms ever.

Oh. You haven’t done that yet?

Click here.

Just for you, I’m opening the G-Spot registration for another 48 hours. Because your ass is important to me.

Since next week is “implementation week” in the course, you’ll have lots of time to catch up to the rest of us. And you can feel better about shaving off that irritating thing above your mouth.

Although I have to say, it can be a lovely addition to oral sex.

See you there.

Thoughts? Leave a comment below.