“It’s all been done before.”

When people say these things, I just roll my eyes. And quietly dismiss them from my sphere.

You are totally unique. There is no other soul exactly like you in the universe.

You are one of a kind. Your very own brand.

As you work with spirit and co-creating yourself, you amplify that. It gets stronger, clearer, more distinctive.

And it looks different than anything anyone has ever seen.

That takes courage to express.

Which is why so many people default to “It’s all been done before.” They’re afraid to take it to that next level.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.”

~ Einstein

When you are truly yourself, and you express that in your creative work, the end result is innovative, bold and NEW.

You, in this form, right now, have never existed before. So the expression is too. That is, the more you let the real you come out, and don’t hide behind what other people have already done.

Ian Schrager is one of my role models. He opened the legendary Studio 54 and in a later incarnation, gave birth to the boutique hotel. He wanted to create unique spaces that were like mini, self-contained universes.

And he’s done them so well. So well, that he’s been imitated the world over and started a whole new concept.

He’s said that he wants people to walk into one of his hotels and feel like it’s nothing they’ve ever seen before.

Two of my favorites are the Sanderson (above image is the lobby) in London and Gramercy Park in New York. Then there’s the Delano. And the Shore Club. I love them all.

The way he describes his creative process is this:

“I’m all about innovation. I want to walk right up to the edge and see how far we can go, without going over it.”

and

“I always do exactly what I love, and am always surprised when other people love it too.”

When I gave a talk last year at Pecha Kucha Night in Vancouver, I was wondering how far I ought to take it. Do I put it all out there? I’m this crazy mix of art and God and surfing and MILF-ing and ejaculate-eating. How would it all go down?

Raucously.

I put it all out there and knocked it out of the park.

A few tips on being courageous to your own voice:

1) The unknown can be very scary. Which is why most people don’t go there. Get used to the foreign-ness of it. Make it your friend. As Steve Jobs said,

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

2) Surround yourself with big thinkers. Fearless thinkers.

Last year, when I was preparing my Pecha Kucha talk, I was talking to the awesome Kate Muker, of Conscious Divas. “Go for it,” she said. “Just do it.” Her words were the tipping point for me.

3) If you are having fun and it makes you feel high and belly laugh at the crazy absurdness of it all, you are probably on the right track.

I was talking to my awesome, awesome literary agent last week about my book. We were on the same theme: being true to my voice. As he gave me feedback, I was laughing so hard my belly ached. And ached.

I took it as a sign that we were moving in the right direction.

4) Stop hiding. Behind other people’s words and opinions. Do your best to discover your own. And express them.

I see people mimic and even plagiarize other people’s work all the time. And their opinions.

You aren’t fooling anyone.

Even if people don’t know exactly where you “borrowed” it from, whether it’s web site copy or how you feel about a social issue, they’ll feel that you aren’t totally authentic. And they’ll back away.

Even if it feels clumsy and painful at first, find your own way. It gets easier. And you’ll have the power of the universe, all of its creative energy, on your side.

I promise you that.

Be courageous and true to your own voice. Always.

****

The talk I gave at Pecha Kucha last year was called “Things that Open; Things that Penetrate.” It was on my creative influences.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, here it is:

PKN Vancouver is having a contest—the person who collects the most votes as the best presenter over the years gets to talk at their all-star night in February.

If you like the video (or you were there that night), please vote for me! Because it’s important that more people know it’s possible to love eating ejaculate and practicing high spirituality. And often at the same time.

Vote for me here! Scroll down to Vol. 14 to find me.

Many thanks and much love!

~ Kim
xx

From the universe. From your lover. From your friends.

There is a spiritual law which states that the universe cannot meddle in your affairs unless given permission.

And then it can start moving things around to give you what you want. And making miracles.

Miracles start with asking for them.

Thinking lightly about something, tossing it around in your head is not asking for it.

Making a request to the universe is.

Me thinking casually about writing a new article for Playboy is not asking. Writing a pitch to the editor is. (He loved it and said “yes” immediately. Look out for it in the coming months!)

Wishing your lover would figure out that you want him to spend more time performing oral sex on you during intercourse is not asking for it. Saying this is: “It so turns me on when you go down on me while we’re having sex. It drives me wild. I would love it if you did more of that. Would you?”

Being frustrated that your boss doesn’t recognize your true greatness is not asking to be acknowledged. Putting it out there that you are worth a promotion and a larger salary is.

No person, no thing can go about fulfilling your desires unless you ask first.

What have you been holding back on asking for?

You’ll be amazed at how eager the universe is to give you what you want.

Today, ask for three things that you’ve been holding back on. Doing so puts you back into the flow of life, of growth and movement in the universe.

Which is where you are meant to be.

The universe wants to collaborate with you. Look at nature—everything is in a constant motion of growth. That’s the nature of life here. All you need to do is get in the habit of asking.

1) Own it

or

2) Change it

Whatever it is, if you own it, you have confidence.

Have you ever noticed certain people who carry, say thirty or fifty extra pounds on them and they are busting with attitude? They genuinely love themselves, they’ve accepted the body weight they have and screw you if you don’t like it. They’ll find someone who does.

They radiate attractiveness because they are proud of who they are. Maybe they defy “conventional” definitions of beauty, but their charisma can be felt across the room.

That’s owning it.

Or, you have another option: change it.

Whatever it is you want to be different, YOU can decide to make it so.

And then take action.

You can work hard to lose those extra thirty pounds and THE BIG SECRET is that the moment you start on that journey, you gain confidence. As soon as you get into action around whatever it is you want, it goes from being a shameful secret you are embarrassed about to something you have taken control of.

Now you have power.

You choose.

How you see yourself is how others see you.

What have you been putting off taking action on that is troubling you? Starting a new fitness program? Changing up your diet? Starting a meditation practice?

Take action now. I guarantee, that as soon as you get in motion, things will change. And once you get in motion, you’ll harness momentum.

Image: Conrad Roset

He got them back.

My Definite Chief Aim

I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest paid Oriental super star in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best of quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970 I will achieve world fame and from then onward till the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness.

Bruce Lee
1969

**

Do this with your dreams and goals, no matter how lofty. Be lofty. Do it in every area of your life: your intimate relationship, your career, your physical health, your connection to God or spirit.

Imagine what an 11 out of 10 would look like. Write it down.

Each day, go into meditation and focus briefly on the finished picture of your goals. For example, one of Bruce Lee’s goals was to be the highest paid Oriental star in the U.S. He might visualize a newspaper headline with his name announcing his salary in his next movie. He could envision a marquee with his name headlining.

Feel what this would be like to see and experience these things. Put yourself there and feel it in your body. This is very important.

Then let it go. All you need is a few minutes each day to focus on it, enliven it and the universe will do the rest. Look out in your daily life for ways your wishes are coming back to you.

They will.

To sum up:

1) Make your list. If you can’t rate your imaginings as an 11/10, they aren’t big enough. Go bigger.

2) Each day, set aside 5-10 minutes. I like to do this in the morning, before I start my day. Commit to this time daily.

3) Bring yourself into a meditative state first. Two suggestions for getting there: a) focus on your breathing or b) chant a high-vibration word. I like the word “Hu.” It’s an ancient name for God. Do either of these two things (or something else) for a few minutes to settle down your mind.

4) Feel the outcome of your desires. How would it feel to be cashing that million-dollar cheque? Or snuggling up next to your soul mate as you fall asleep in each other’s arms? Feel it in your body and evoke an emotional response.

You create your own reality. Every day.

Do it now.

Ask.

That’s what Craig Rowin did. He asked people–specifically millionaires and billionaires–to give him money. Specifically, one million dollars. For no particular reason. He said he might buy a new DVD player with the money. Or travel. He wasn’t sure.

How do you get the universe to give you what you want?

Ask.

Be it a million dollars, or a billion or a healthy body or a scathingly handsome man who gives you a plethora of orgasms or a sexually insatiable woman who adores you. Ask.

Ask and you shall receive.

You can’t get it unless you ask for it. The universe cannot give it to you unless you are ready to receive it.

Why I love Craig and his story is that he simply asked, unapologetically, for what he wanted. That simple. He also asked in a big way, so much so that television stations across the nation picked up his cause and replayed his video. Oh, and a millionaire called Craig up and offered to give him a million dollars.

You gotta put it out there.

To master this essential art, I’m starting a group coaching class at the beginning of next month called “Knock it Out of the Park: Your Outrageous Life.” The classes will be all about:

• Get clear on what you really want: I mean the big dreams especially
• The art of asking
• Tools for clearing any blocks that prevent receiving abundance
• Activating your internal guidance system to help you
• Visualizations, guided meditations and group support for attraction and manifestation
• Group discussion and sharing

I’m not talking about just anything–the only way I can personally get excited about goals is if they are “knock it out of the park” type goals that set me on fire. It’s the art of manifesting miracles.

Knock it Out of the Park: Your Outrageous Life:

Dates: Feb 16, Feb 22, March 1, March 8 (note: three Tuesdays and one Wednesday)
Time: 7-8:30pm
Cost: $100- (plus hst)
Location: Downtown Vancouver (details upon registration)
Register here.

Also, in the spirit of asking and receiving, I’m going to hold another class along the lines of “Self-Love: Attraction Within and Out.” This class will deal more specifically with attracting what we want in relationship–either bringing a new partner to us or in rejuvenating the connection we already have. We’ll focus on what’s holding you back, where you may be afraid to ask for what you really want and how to overcome those things. I’m considering doing this as a telecoaching class, meaning you can call in anytime, anywhere and participate. If you miss a class, they’ll be recorded and you can listen to them later.

Let me know your thoughts. I want to be able to serve as many people as possible, so the more feedback I get from you ASKING, the more likely you’ll receive what you want.

**

“A well-fucked woman is a thing of beauty.”

- Kim Anami, “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman,” Playboy, March 2010.

Are you a well-fucked woman? Do you radiate sensuality and do your hips sway with the satisfied swish and bliss of a woman who has been thoroughly, artfully and heartfully fucked?

Men, do you want your woman to be well-fucked? Trust me, you do. We can gauge a how well-fucked a woman is by how she flows in life and gushes sexually. It’s more than worth your while to put the time and effort in to making sure she is satiated, mind, body and soul. Good sex is multi-dimensional fucking. Learn how to penetrate her on every level.

This Friday: The Art of Pleasuring a Woman. Still a few places left!

If you want a preview of the discussion and you haven’t already read it, check out my Playboy article for a teaser.

Why?

Because she took responsibility for her own life, health and happiness.

Cancer is an awesome excuse for most people to play victim. Everyone says it’s bad and deadly (even though many people, like Kris, miraculously kick its ass) so most people are willing to accept that. Except Kris.

I love, love, love this story because it shows me the power of self-responsibility. Dis-ease is the body saying “Something is wrong! You are feeding me the wrong food, the wrong ideas and you are killing me. I won’t stand for it anymore!” We either listen or we die. It’s that simple.

Where are you being effect rather than cause in your life?

Where do you let someone else’s ideas of you or what your life should be come before your own?

What old stories are you holding onto that cause you pain?

Here’s a technique you can use to rewrite your story and your life:

Identify five places in your life and go back and find the story that you are telling yourself. And then I want you to write a new story. I want you to tell yourself that new story every day. Like this:

1) Get yourself into a meditative state. If you have a practice already, use that. If you don’t you can chant a sacred word to raise your consciousness, like “Aum” or “Hu” (an ancient name for God). Or, you can watch your breathing in and out. Do this for about five minutes to raise your vibrational rate.

2) Imagine in your mind’s eye, that you are holding the literal “story” on paper about this part of your life that isn’t going the way you want it to. Take a lighter and burn the paper with the story on it.

3) Now I want you to take a fresh sheet of blank paper and write your new story (still in your imagination). See the life and the characters and the scene exactly the way you want it. Write it all out and as you write, imagine it coming to life. Watch as the images rise up off the paper and begin to take shape. Take a moment and see where it goes.

4) Do this exercise every day for one to three weeks.

As above, so below.

By going inside to make changes, you impact what happens in your outer life. It’s real. It works.

If you want to buy Kris’ book and support her awesome path, this is the week to do it and help push her high up on all those bestseller lists.

***

Group Coaching

I’m going to be starting up some group coaching modules on “Knocking it Out of the Park: Your Outrageous Life” and “Self-Love: Attraction Within and Out.” Stay tuned.

Next week:

The Art of Pleasuring a Woman: January 28, 7-9pm. Register here.

A few spaces left! All my salons (except Vaginal Weight Lifting!) are male and female friendly. Even as a woman, you can attend this salon to learn more about your own pleasure zones. Have you had a cervical or uterine orgasm before? Do you know how to make yourself ejaculate? As a man, you’ll strengthen your arsenal of physical techniques and learn the keys to emotionally unlock your woman. Cuz we’re so tricky, right?

“Women were made to be loved, not understood.”

- Oscar Wilde. Wilde was gay and even he got this one.

Come see what you’re missing! Inject new passion into your sex life.

~ Kim

In highly successful people, one of the main differences between them and others is that the former learn to execute without hesitation. They don’t sit on information or inspiration, they don’t question it endlessly; if it makes sense and they are excited about it, they take action.

What often stops us is the desire to do it perfectly and the fear of rejection. What if it’s criticized? What if no one likes it? (I remember being in second grade and being told by my teacher that we weren’t allowed to ask “What if…?” questions. Very good advice).

The way we improve and refine our ideas is by getting feedback. Even if we put something out there in a less-than-perfect state (and I don’t believe anything or anyone is 100% perfect–it’s all about confidence, the resulting interaction gives us valuable information about how to hone our message so it makes more sense. If there is anything that’s unclear, we get to clarify it.

The beauty of initiating ideas is that once they get rolling, they build momentum. The energy of that momentum helps you to keep going and you are no longer doing it alone.

Here are some of the ideas I’ve been sitting on that I intend to execute in the coming months:

- “60 Seconds to Enlightenment” short video clips
- virtual Sexual Savant Salons
- online boutique on my website
- “Sex Rx” newsletter with tips on adding more sexual juice to your relationships
- make a “G-Spots; His and Hers” free PDF available for download on my site
- creating more speaking opportunities

There. Those will keep me busy. Just putting it out there is one step closer to making it real, because now I just told you about it. Maybe you’ll ask me how it’s going. Maybe when you see the first video, you’ll let me know what you think.

I invite you to share the ideas you want to make real this year, or in the next few months, on my blog in the comments section.

Image: one of my favorite idea-executors, Frank Gehry’s Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain.

This is one of my all-time favorite videos. I love those three guys. The song is “Unstoppable” by Santogold and the chorus is “I got to be unstoppable.”

“Go big or go home!”
“If you aren’t scared ^%#$less, you aren’t aiming high enough.”

I did an interview on Urban Rush this week, which was my first television appearance. I had SO MUCH FUN! The hosts were great, I met some wonderful people on set (half-naked boys modelling the season’s newest itty-bitty swimsuits is a bonus – thanks universe, you are very kind) and I nailed it. To me, a fantastic day involves getting out of my comfort zone and putting myself out there in some way. Taking a chance. Pushing myself to be more, bigger, better. That’s when I feel I’m truly living.

Is it possible for every day to be like that? How can we keep raising the bar for ourselves?

I think it is possible. I decided to ask life to keep putting me up for these opportunities and in exchange, I’d keep stepping up to the plate. We choose the pace we move at. We can keep things easy-peasey and relaxed and cruisey or notch it up into the sparkly, fiery zone.

I love the latter.

What keeps you at your edge? Out of your comfort zone? For me, it’s speaking in public, surfing a challenging wave, putting my voice and ideas out in the world. I love doing all those things and I get a massive charge out of them.

Grow or die. Everything in nature is either growing or decaying. Which are you?

- Joseph Campbell

I can usually tell how on track I am in my life by how doors either open or close. I lived in London when I was 19 and I was studying acting. I liked acting and I was in a great school, but somehow it didn’t lift me up. I’d come very close to the precipice of success – like have a meeting with a very well-known director’s casting agent – and just not have it materialize. After some struggle, I let go of acting and pursued other things.

When I took a lifetime worth of skills and channeled them into coaching, doors opened instantly and constantly. After I made the decision to pursue training, the course I wanted was starting the very next week, was held around the corner from where I lived and had space for me. I loved it. I got so high off coaching, it was amazing. I still do.

There’s another Campbell quote on the subject I like:

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”

By listening to the signs around us, guiding us, we can avoid many pitfalls on our journey. If we are headstrong and attempt to swim against the flow, we can delay arriving at a life of pleasure, or risk never getting there at all.

Surrender to the flow.