So I did. For ten years.

For three of those years I lived in and around Tofino – for a while my residence was a floathouse that was moored an hour from Tofino by boat. I was living with a seafaring pirate who was more in tune with the ocean and the tides than any time piece (which often meant simple things like, “Which day will you be back?” were anybody’s guess).

One of the things I’m most grateful for during this era of my life, was feeling the freedom of: 1) owning very little and not caring about owning very little; and 2) letting my true self come out. Most of the inhabitants of Tofino and other such remote enclaves seemed to be on a similar journey. They were stripping off the pieces of civilization that formerly bound them and were finding out who they were beneath that.

I was reminded of this over the weekend when I went to Lasqueti Island for the wedding of two such souls I met in the bush over a decade ago. Lasqueti Island is off the grid: no electricity, no car ferry – just passengers – and a population of very hardy, eclectic people. This is important when you need to figure out how to heat your home and generate power where it doesn’t just appear with the flick of a switch. Hence, Lasqueti is a hotbed for alternative energy. In every sense of the term.

The wedding was beautiful: tender and so…them. The pair got married on a cliff overlooking the ocean, with their children climbing all over them, and the bride kicking off her flip-flops and walking barefoot down the hill after their oh-so-original ceremony.

In a place like this, there a few distractions to the things we might want to suppress. For me, with the lack of a computer, cell phone and my other pursuits, I had something come to the surface that I’d pushed down for years. Being there gave me the space to let it rise, to grieve it and then figure out what I am going to do about it.

The thing about stripping things away, is that it can feel disorienting, and anxiety-producing sometimes. In the words of Robert Frost: “The only way out is through.” Being vulnerable and open is the strongest place to reside. Stick with it and you will be reborn.

- shiri zinn’s $2500 rose quartz Minx

We see lingerie companies like La Perla and Agent Provocateur with an emphasis on high quality, sleek design and beautiful materials. Agent Provocateur was founded by Joseph Corre, the son of Vivienne Westwood and Malcolm McLaren. The site received an overload of traffic a few years back when director Mike Figgis filmed Kate Moss in a series of dream sequences wearing AP lingerie. There was also the matter of a phenomenally sexy video with Kylie Minogue and an electronic bull.

Sex toy designers like Jimmyjane and Lelo make pleasure objects that are carcinogen-free (most sex toys contain phthalates, which are toxic, leeching plastics — not the optimum choice to insert into one’s body!), very ergonomic and exquisitely beautiful. Jimmyjane has won design awards for its innovative pieces that feature rechargeable motors and collaborations with artists like Jamie Hewlett and Yves Behar. Lelo makes the world’s most expensive dildo – a gold-plated, $10,000 piece of heaven called Ina.

Especially for women, toys can help find the G-Spot and expand clitoral pleasure. Beautifully sculpted glass dildos also create a lovely visual show for a partner. The toy in the above image is Shiri Zinn’s $2500- Minx (I own one). I mention it in my Georgia Straight interview and it’s an incredible work of art. Fashioned with rose quartz (known for its healing properties), Swarovski crystals and a marabou feather, it’s so pretty that it even comes with a display stand.

Locally, we’re graced with Tart Boutique, which carries many such items. Their Venetian, masquerade-themed launch party next week features a special guest: a gold-plated gentleman’s G-Spot toy called Earl. I hold my Sexual Savant Salons at Tart – a perfect, boudoir-esque environment in which to talk about sex and then find objet d’art to take home and play with.

A shop like Tart is the perfect place to visit with a partner or on your own. You can expand your pleasure and artfulness with sex via lingerie, toys and a well-vetted selection of books, from Araki to Urban Tantra. Knowledgable staff can help you decide what’s best for you. Plan a trip down to Granville Island or accomplish two things at once and attend a salon!

Upcoming:

The Art of Pleasuring a Woman: Friday August 20th, 7-9pm

For all their mystery, there are keys to unlocking women. Learn techniques to set her on fire. It’s all at the tip of your tongue – both in how you talk to her and how you touch her. Open your woman with your words, sex toys and sexual positions. Make her feel safe enough to succumb.

We’ll delve deeper into the three types of female orgasms: clitoral, G-Spot and cervical. What are their qualities and how do we get there?

$50- (plus hst) includes sushi aperitifs, aphrodisiac chocolates, wine and 20% discount on purchases that evening.

Tart Venetian Masquerade Ball: Friday August 27th, 7:30pm

Evening to celebrate the official launch of Tart Boutique. With complimentary hors d’oeuvres, signature cocktails and live music. Only those on the guest-list will be admitted. To ensure entrance, email rsvp@tartboutique.com with your name and number of guests.

I’ll be putting on a short presentation on G-Spots, to inspire people on how to use the night’s guest of honor: Earl!

“Go big or go home!”
“If you aren’t scared ^%#$less, you aren’t aiming high enough.”

I did an interview on Urban Rush this week, which was my first television appearance. I had SO MUCH FUN! The hosts were great, I met some wonderful people on set (half-naked boys modelling the season’s newest itty-bitty swimsuits is a bonus – thanks universe, you are very kind) and I nailed it. To me, a fantastic day involves getting out of my comfort zone and putting myself out there in some way. Taking a chance. Pushing myself to be more, bigger, better. That’s when I feel I’m truly living.

Is it possible for every day to be like that? How can we keep raising the bar for ourselves?

I think it is possible. I decided to ask life to keep putting me up for these opportunities and in exchange, I’d keep stepping up to the plate. We choose the pace we move at. We can keep things easy-peasey and relaxed and cruisey or notch it up into the sparkly, fiery zone.

I love the latter.

What keeps you at your edge? Out of your comfort zone? For me, it’s speaking in public, surfing a challenging wave, putting my voice and ideas out in the world. I love doing all those things and I get a massive charge out of them.

Grow or die. Everything in nature is either growing or decaying. Which are you?

- Joseph Campbell

I can usually tell how on track I am in my life by how doors either open or close. I lived in London when I was 19 and I was studying acting. I liked acting and I was in a great school, but somehow it didn’t lift me up. I’d come very close to the precipice of success – like have a meeting with a very well-known director’s casting agent – and just not have it materialize. After some struggle, I let go of acting and pursued other things.

When I took a lifetime worth of skills and channeled them into coaching, doors opened instantly and constantly. After I made the decision to pursue training, the course I wanted was starting the very next week, was held around the corner from where I lived and had space for me. I loved it. I got so high off coaching, it was amazing. I still do.

There’s another Campbell quote on the subject I like:

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”

By listening to the signs around us, guiding us, we can avoid many pitfalls on our journey. If we are headstrong and attempt to swim against the flow, we can delay arriving at a life of pleasure, or risk never getting there at all.

Surrender to the flow.

- Kim Anami

Hey look! It’s me. In the Georgia Straight. Talking about sex. Here’s a teaser from the interview. The full article is here.

“’If you think of your life as a pie chart, divided into sections like work, recreation, and family, your sex life ought to be a huge part of that,’ Anami said.

Tantra is a philosophy that has roots in many Asian countries, including India, Cambodia, and China, and has become synonymous with the notion of a liberated approach to sex. Sex is celebrated beyond the physical; the mental and emotional components are not only embraced but recognized as integral parts of orgasmic bliss.

Tantra’s blend of mind and body has long been familiar to Anami, who has practised martial arts for most of her life.

‘I’m fascinated with the awareness, cultivation, and exchange of energy,” she said, “and my martial-arts studies have helped develop that in me.’

Anami prides herself on the clean, healthy life she leads, which includes organic foods, daily meditation, preventive and alternative medicine, and, of course, a good dose of amazing sex.

For Anami, fantastic sex comes down to the ability to surrender to one’s hedonistic and sensual side, and do so without judgment or shame.”

- Interview by Shadi Elien

- Sexual Secrets: The Alchemy of Ecstasy

Upcoming:

The Multi-Orgasmic Couple at Raw Canvas. Learn more about how sex nourishes you: body, mind and soul. Find out more about the three different female orgasms and how to achieve them; how to build stamina as a man; techniques to exchange energy with your partner; and maintaining sizzling sexual chemistry. Sign up here:

The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, July 14

The salon includes a tapas plate of artisan fare, delicious natural wines and chocolates. I found a source for genuine aphrodisiac chocolates – made from potent herbs such as maca and ginseng, designed to ignite the passions! Melt-in-your-mouth amazing!!

Hope to see you there for an inspiring evening!

Later we would tell ourselves that that moment of magic had not been real, but that analysis is just a collective lie. We invented the lie as a way to face the disappointment of having been to the moon on a starlit night, and then fallen back down to what can seem like such a barren earth.

Forget your old ideas. Forget the lies they told you. Forget them all, and you will begin to remember. There is a realm of romantic enchantment that makes the world we are currently living in seem not so very important, and not even so very real.

That realm is entered two by two. It is not just an emotional vacation spot, but in fact our newest spiritual frontier. In fact, it is where we are supposed to live. And in that place, we do not just live. In that place, we live forever.”

- Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love

You *can* stay there, but it takes focus and prioritizing your relationship; believing that both your emotional and sexual connection is vital and worth putting the time and energy into. Like a plant that needs water and sunlight, our relationship needs constant attention and nurturing. So make the time.

These are the words of the Dr. Bruce Lipton, an American cellular biologist. If you aren’t familiar with him, he’s a pioneer in the field of quantum biology – making the links on a cellular level that physics has been emerging with for years. Namely, you – your thoughts, your feelings – create your reality.

‘La Vie Est Belle’ from Gypset.

I had the great pleasure of hearing Dr. Bruce Lipton speak last weekend at UBC. Some of the most profound insights I took away from his talk were:

- Your genes respond and change every day according to your environment.
- Your brain creates your biology and biochemistry to reflect your beliefs. I.e. if you believe that you live in a hostile world, your brain will generate stress hormones to prove you right. If you change your beliefs, you change your chemistry.
- Cells are either in protection or growth – they can’t be in both at the same time. If you are in protection mode, you aren’t growing.
- Our conscious mind controls only 5% of our behaviour; our subconscious, 95%.
- When we question why our reality doesn’t match the beliefs we have, it’s because we’re being run by that 95% that isn’t even aware of what it’s doing. Thus, when we have a rage blackout and our conscious mind can’t even remember what happened, it’s because our subconscious was in control.
- Until you re-write those subconscious programs – like your mother’s fear of sex or your father’s worry about money – they are still there. The good news is that you can rewrite them.
- How? Remember, we’re addressing the subconscious here. Bruce suggests using hypnosis, subliminal recordings and energy psychology – all techniques that bypass the conscious mind and affect the subconscious.
- Bruce offers an excellent resource list of systems and books on his site.
- He also places a strong emphasis on conscious parenting. Young children are constantly imprinting from their environment so it’s important that as parents we clear our own subconscious programs so we can offer a healthier atmosphere to our children.

Right after the talk I went to Banyen Books where I bought a subliminally recorded CD. I found an excellent series by Kelly Howell which is available for download here. She has titles such as Attract Love, Attract Wealth, Positive Thinking and more. I love the CD I have and I listen to it every night as I go to sleep. I even convinced my son to play it on his Mac on repeat all night. We’re both committing to 30 days. I have to say that even after the first night I noticed a difference in my life in how other people were responding to me. Which makes sense, because they were responding to my subconscious – to the beliefs I am unconsciously transmitting to the world. And I’m telling you, they are responding amazingly well!

Oral sex is incredibly good for you. Really. It’s emotionally bonding and the fluids you exchange with your lover are considered in Taoist thought to be the prime distillations of each others’ yin and yang essence. It balances you.

Some women dislike fellatio. Some men dislike cunnilingus. Why? How has that come about? And, more importantly, how can we change it?

I had a lover years ago whom I utterly adored. Every inch of his mind and body, I coveted. Prior to him, I’d enjoyed going down on my partners – I liked the pleasure it brought them and I liked the act. But I didn’t *love* it. With him though, I fell *in love* with it. I suspect it was the fact that I truly wanted to eat him up that translated into the love of oral sex. From him onward, it’s been an act I love.

There’s a level of intimacy and surrender inherent in oral sex that has to be there for it to take on a life of its own. If you aren’t deeply surrendered to your partner, or the act, it will always be lacking.

In The Art of Pleasuring a Man, we will discuss techniques, angles, positions and how to make all varieties of sex even hotter for you and your lover. There are tricks to the deep throat and we’ll cover those. And, we’ll go into the workings of the inner man and talk about how you can amp up sexual polarity to increase your chemistry and sizzle. The salons are all designed to be interactive, so bring your questions. Plus, organic wine, Kama Sutra chocolates, truffles and sushi. Spots are still open for Tuesday evening’s salon, May 4th, 6pm.

Drawing: ‘Girl Talk’ by Gary Slipper

Commit.

Study.

Practice.

Even though we live in a sex-obsessed culture, we’re not encouraged to openly explore our sexual selves. Most people need to fight the shackles of religion and social mores that shames joyful and exuberant sexuality.

The result? Confusion, conflict and ignorance.

Anyone I know who has attained a level of mastery in their sex lives has studied. They’ve bucked whatever holds their religion and culture had on them and claimed their sexual journey as a valid and healthy one. They’ve allowed themselves the freedom to explore.

My own journey started when as a teenager I recognized that culturally there was an attempt to control sexual expression. Especially that of women. I threw off any epithets that would condemn my being a sexually open female and I owned my sexuality. I explored. I experimented. I read.

A few years later I took workshops, continued to read and discovered Tantra – the art of conscious sexuality and the realm where sex meets God. It’s true – sex and God actually have a lot in common. They are both about surrendering and reaching transcendent states of ecstasy.

So where to start? First you commit. If you want to get fit in three months, do you just figure you’ll get to the gym ‘whenever’? Or do you book a trainer and work-out three or four times a week? If you do the former, odds are nothing much will have changed by the time July rolls around. If you commit, you’ll notice results and a six-pack for the summer.

Study. Read, go to workshops, and go shopping. Go to your local bookstore – preferably one with a large sex section and let your intuition guide you. If you are in Vancouver, Banyen Books has a fantastic section on sexuality. Spend an hour browsing. For workshops, check out the offerings at Hollyhock or David Deida or my Sexual Savant Salons. Go to Tart Boutique on Granville Island, love child of the legendary Edie Orenstein (you know Edie Hats? That Edie). It’s full of luxury sex toys, gorgeous lingerie and a well-vetted selection of books. It’s a beautiful, luxurious atmosphere where you can get curious. And ask questions of a knowledgeable staff.

Practice. At least once a week, set aside a minimum of three hours. For sex. Just for sex. Plan ahead – get a babysitter, schedule your day for it and let your imagination run wild. Think about something new you might want to explore. Foreplay starts in your mind’s eye.

And get thee to my Sexual Savant Salons. This weekend is The Multi-Orgasmic Couple (date change). Email me for details if you’d like to attend.