“It’s all been done before.”

When people say these things, I just roll my eyes. And quietly dismiss them from my sphere.

You are totally unique. There is no other soul exactly like you in the universe.

You are one of a kind. Your very own brand.

As you work with spirit and co-creating yourself, you amplify that. It gets stronger, clearer, more distinctive.

And it looks different than anything anyone has ever seen.

That takes courage to express.

Which is why so many people default to “It’s all been done before.” They’re afraid to take it to that next level.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.”

~ Einstein

When you are truly yourself, and you express that in your creative work, the end result is innovative, bold and NEW.

You, in this form, right now, have never existed before. So the expression is too. That is, the more you let the real you come out, and don’t hide behind what other people have already done.

Ian Schrager is one of my role models. He opened the legendary Studio 54 and in a later incarnation, gave birth to the boutique hotel. He wanted to create unique spaces that were like mini, self-contained universes.

And he’s done them so well. So well, that he’s been imitated the world over and started a whole new concept.

He’s said that he wants people to walk into one of his hotels and feel like it’s nothing they’ve ever seen before.

Two of my favorites are the Sanderson (above image is the lobby) in London and Gramercy Park in New York. Then there’s the Delano. And the Shore Club. I love them all.

The way he describes his creative process is this:

“I’m all about innovation. I want to walk right up to the edge and see how far we can go, without going over it.”

and

“I always do exactly what I love, and am always surprised when other people love it too.”

When I gave a talk last year at Pecha Kucha Night in Vancouver, I was wondering how far I ought to take it. Do I put it all out there? I’m this crazy mix of art and God and surfing and MILF-ing and ejaculate-eating. How would it all go down?

Raucously.

I put it all out there and knocked it out of the park.

A few tips on being courageous to your own voice:

1) The unknown can be very scary. Which is why most people don’t go there. Get used to the foreign-ness of it. Make it your friend. As Steve Jobs said,

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

2) Surround yourself with big thinkers. Fearless thinkers.

Last year, when I was preparing my Pecha Kucha talk, I was talking to the awesome Kate Muker, of Conscious Divas. “Go for it,” she said. “Just do it.” Her words were the tipping point for me.

3) If you are having fun and it makes you feel high and belly laugh at the crazy absurdness of it all, you are probably on the right track.

I was talking to my awesome, awesome literary agent last week about my book. We were on the same theme: being true to my voice. As he gave me feedback, I was laughing so hard my belly ached. And ached.

I took it as a sign that we were moving in the right direction.

4) Stop hiding. Behind other people’s words and opinions. Do your best to discover your own. And express them.

I see people mimic and even plagiarize other people’s work all the time. And their opinions.

You aren’t fooling anyone.

Even if people don’t know exactly where you “borrowed” it from, whether it’s web site copy or how you feel about a social issue, they’ll feel that you aren’t totally authentic. And they’ll back away.

Even if it feels clumsy and painful at first, find your own way. It gets easier. And you’ll have the power of the universe, all of its creative energy, on your side.

I promise you that.

Be courageous and true to your own voice. Always.

****

The talk I gave at Pecha Kucha last year was called “Things that Open; Things that Penetrate.” It was on my creative influences.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, here it is:

PKN Vancouver is having a contest—the person who collects the most votes as the best presenter over the years gets to talk at their all-star night in February.

If you like the video (or you were there that night), please vote for me! Because it’s important that more people know it’s possible to love eating ejaculate and practicing high spirituality. And often at the same time.

Vote for me here! Scroll down to Vol. 14 to find me.

Many thanks and much love!

~ Kim
xx

It was because he LOVED doing it. He loved collecting companies and rebuilding them and making them successful. Like nurturing children.

The most powerful weapon/tool you have in your life is your heart.

It keeps you connected to the flow of spirit. And when you are in the flow, there is nothing you can’t do. The universe sends you wisdom, people and miracles on your path.

I’ve spent a lot of time disconnected from my heart. The past few months have been pivotal for me in regaining that connection. And living there.

You have heard that even from a scientific perspective, the heart is where it’s at. In fact, your heart is smarter than your brain.

When people say things like “Put your heart into it!” or we talk about the importance of FEELING IT when we visualize what we want, it’s HUGE.

If your heart isn’t in it, it ain’t happening. Or it’ll happen slowly and painfully.

In this time of setting new intentions, here’s what I’ve learned about staying connected to my heart:

1) Everyday, I need to do at least one thing I totally love.

I feel amazing when I exercise daily. Exercise hard, daily. It’s self-love.

I make time for yoga or Pilates or running in the forest. It’s my therapy. I get back in my body and into my true nature.

2) Connect with other people who live in their hearts. Or, radiate so much heart-ness that it brings them into their hearts.

I had a, uh, disagreement with a clerk at a vitamin shop a few months back. Or, I could view it that we were both in our heads. She’s very knowledgeable and yesterday, after an injury, I knew she’d be the one to talk to about supplements.

I approached her, breathless and high and full of love. (As is becoming my natural state). And she got really excited to talk about sports and her passions. I watched her totally open up. It brought tears to my eyes, I felt so in my heart and connected to her.

3) Prioritize social contact. This might be second nature for some people, but it hasn’t been for me. The nature of my work and my life means I spend a lot of time on my own. I have to schedule in playtime and connection time.

The more I’m in my heart, I can connect with anyone, anywhere on a deeper level.

When I was coming back from my six-day sex date, I was flying separately from my partner. I was seated next to a couple of women—synchronicity—one was a holistic nutritionist and the other a singer with a huge libido (I can see these things a mile away).

The nutritionist’s boyfriend was across the aisle and trying to order me around. Seriously. I told him to back off and then I told him that he needed to liberate his G-Spot (I kind of said it like that. I can also see these things from a mile away). I pressed the issue. His girlfriend laughed so hard she was crying. Then the singer and I explained how and why this was important. We had girl/sex talk/bonding time for a few hours.

Em, the point here is that you can have fun and feel love (or G-Spot love) anywhere.

4) Ask spirit for help. Some people call this praying.

When I get stuck and back in my head, I feel numb. Life feels empty. So I ask spirit to bring me back. Sometimes I write letters. Or I meditate.

I recognize that I’m out of the flow. I ask for help to get back in it.

I was out of the flow one day last week. I was grumpy. I wrote a long letter to spirit. And then, in a high spiritual way (not), I expressed my grumpiness to a neighbour who I felt was responsible for making me grumpy.

His response? He invited me for brunch with his family. I was so stunned I started to cry. My heart cracked back open in that moment. I went for brunch, loved it and see him in a whole new light now. He kept saying to me: “God wanted me to irritate you so that you’d come for brunch. See? Look how beautiful this is!”

He was right.

5) You knew I would go here.

Heart/genital love amplifies love. Where do you think the term “making love” comes from? The raw, intimate space we get into when we truly let down our guards with another human, getting naked on every possible level, cultivates love. Breeds it.

In our deepest vulnerability is our deepest power. So go very, very deep. Deeper, more honest than you think you can. And see what happens.

Now go forth and multiply, my lovelies.

***

How much do you live in your heart? What brings you and keeps you there? Schedule in at least one thing DAILY that keeps you in your heart. Your whole life will flow

Thank you, all my beautiful and passionate readers, for your love and support over the year!! I love travelling on this journey with you! This year is all about getting you deeper into your hearts and everything else. Many exciting ventures on the way!

Much love,

Kim

Heart by Laurel True

Over the years as I’ve evolved as a sex coach, I’ve experienced my own “coming out.”

Since I do life coaching and sex coaching, I would often choose one moniker over the other when introducing myself to new people or at certain events.

Up until recently, in the spiritual path that I follow, I would use “life coach.” I went to a large seminar a few weeks ago and decided to “come out” to these people.

My first experience was well-received. I was at dinner with a group of friends, one of whom knows what I do for a living.

I went for it.

I talked about powerful vaginas. How they can increase orgasmic potential and how they are able to make a man ejaculate or stop him from ejaculating with their great power. I spoke of eating come and why deep throating makes you a better person.

Then I shared with them what I see as the key to lifelong passion and activating the power of your intimate relationship: surrender.

Opening oneself up. Learning how to let go and step aside so that a greater power can come in.

Which is much like the road to God.

They loved it. They’d never heard anyone talk like that or link it altogether: whole-person sex and love.

Later that weekend, a woman I know locally approached me. She wanted to share with me that she thought I was too sexy. And that my “too sexiness” was not appropriate for the venue we were in. She told me that “people were talking.”

My sexual energy is integrated into my very being. I don’t think about it; it just is me. I don’t try to overtly BE sexy or dress sexy.

I just AM one sexy muthafucka.

Love it or leave it.

I don’t believe in women or anyone having to hide their sexuality—either with their clothing choices or how they behave. It is the equivalent of burqa-izing oneself.

My first thought was to let her have her opinions. She was coming from a very different place than me. But I have to admit, I was upset by the encounter. I was upset that people can judge like that, gossip, say mean things. And do it in such a cowardly, behind-your-back way.

So I harnessed my upset.

I told this woman how sex for me is about self-actualization. How we all have to collectively work to rise above the unnatural suppression that exists, especially for women. I told her how deep sex mixed with love opens and transforms us in a way that few things can.

I was passionate and fierce and vulnerable.

She started to cry.

I was already crying.

Once she could see how firm I was in my truth, she not only backed down, but it illuminated something in her. She saw a way of looking at this that hadn’t occurred to her before. As the discussion wound down, she asked me for my website. A few days later she emailed me to ask if she could coach with me.

It’s important to get your views across. To make sure that you are understood—that is your responsibility.

Not everyone will get it. If you can get to your own truth, and articulate it, you can wake up the truth in others as well.

Where are you hanging back and not fully expressing yourself? Where have you backed down? Where do you need to rise up?

Your life and self-worth will thank you when you do.

Stencil: Eddie Colla

But deep down, you know it’s time. To move. To end your relationship, quit your job, move cities or give up a crutch.

You keep getting signs. Doors open that support your next step: you get offered a new job contract. You meet an attractive man. Someone tells you about the low price of real estate in the city you dream of moving to.

I call this “the escalator effect.” The universe is providing you with a boost to the next level of your growth. It’s a window of opportunity that stays open for a short time.

There is a price to getting on the elevator: you have to let go of something first. You can’t get on it and still be in the situation you’re in.

Years ago, I was involved with someone and had knew for months that it was over. I was trying to push aside that knowledge. In a workshop, I had a moment of crystal clarity that we had no future. It was time to end it officially.

All kinds of amazing things were taking off in my life at that time: I was suddenly meeting LOTS of intriguing men, I had incredible business ventures gearing up, I felt very optimistic about my future—I was on an upswing. The universe was providing me with an escalator.

Except that I didn’t get on it.

It was six months before I ended the relationship. By that time, the escalator was long gone. Instead, there was a cliff in front of me. I was stuck looking down at the crevasse. I could still leave, and I did. Now it was much harder to do.

The escalator is the gift we get from the universe when we ACT on our intuition and “the signs” as they appear. It supports our growth into the next stage of our lives. When we resist and hesitate, that help evaporates.

The message? Act fast when you know it’s time.

The universe supports bold, brave moves.

The video above is a twist on this idea: it’s still up to you to move.

And, fyi, I don’t do margarine. Butter, maybe, a la Last Tango in Paris. Not margarine.

She’s an stunning, vivacious, radiant woman of 62. Let’s call her Sabrina.

I’ve watched Sabrina over the past couple of years as she’s put a lot of energy into her own self-care: she’s lost weight, taken up a health regimen, goes to the gym five times a week, attends burlesque classes and she’s had a committed spiritual practice for decades.

Her marriage had been flat for years and one day it became clear to her that it was time to leave. So she did.

When she called to tell me the news, the first thing I did was let her know her how very brave and bold she was to make that choice. Few people do.

Her other friends (single friends) told her how difficult it was to find love at their age. How all the good ones are “taken.”

So sixty-two-year-old Sabrina hauls her motorcycle out of the garage, where it has been collecting dust for years, and takes it for a ride on the highway. She’s blazing down the open road and she asks her inner guide (spirit, God, whatever you want to call it) “How is anyone ever going to find me? Everyone knows me as a married woman. Will I ever find someone else?”

Later in the week, Sabrina is at her farmhouse—she lives on a sprawling piece of property almost in the middle of nowhere—there is a knock on her front door. She answers it and a man stands on her porch. He says that his employer, Robert Redford, had recently been in the area, noticed her property and was interested in shooting there.

She took a moment. “You mean *the* Robert Redford?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “We’re doing a film here and he loved what he saw of your land. Would you mind if I came back to take some pictures?”

She said that would be all right.

**

Later in the week, Sabrina goes to the gym and into the sauna. There are a few men in there, besides her. Within ten minutes, the sauna is filled up. With twelve other men. Twelve men and Sabrina. What’s a girl to do?

**

As Sabrina pulls up to the supermarket on her motorbike, a very attractive man is leaving. He stops her and they chat about motorcycles. He asks her to go “riding” one day.

**

If Robert Redford (or a reasonable facsimile) can find Sabrina’s acreage, “the one” will also find her, and will find you.

Finding “the one” is not about actively searching—going to clubs, using dating services, asking to be set up on blind dates by friends. I don’t discourage those things, but I don’t encourage them either.

Finding “the one” is about cultivating self-love. Raising your vibration of openness, radiance and feeling joy in the life you have, with or without someone else in it.

Then you meet people at the supermarket, in an elevator, at your gym and walking down the street. The only thing you need to do is get yourself out into the flow of life, to immerse yourself in the things you love doing and you will attract the person who is a perfect match for you. It will be easy for you to find each other.

Image: Nan Goldin

It was for the incredible, held-in-many cities cultural happening Pecha Kucha. The format is totally unique in that each speaker has only six minutes: 20 seconds to describe 20 slides that encapsulate their creative inspiration.

Due to a snowstorm on that evening (all of Vancouver shuts down when it snows), it wasn’t recorded on the night. So I just recorded it myself, for posterity. And because I had requests to hear more about how to be properly opened and penetrated.

You’ll miss the gasps of shock and laughter from the night, but I’m sure you can insert your own.

It’s safe for YouTube. Safe-ish. So it’s safe-ish for work. Are cock chandeliers safe for work? One never knows.

The kind of games which involve safe words, role playing and fantasies being acted out–those games are perfectly acceptable in a relationship.

The kind of games that don’t belong in a relationship or courtship are games like:

How many days should I wait to call her?
Should I pretend to like him less?
I’m going to withhold sex until I get what I want.

If you play games like these, you’ll attract people who play games like these. Is that what you really want?

The absolute best and most satisfying sex and relationships involve vulnerability. Honesty. Being open about how you really feel. Sharing your deepest thoughts with another person.

Now that’s mindfucking. Really, good, solid, juicy mindfucking. Mindfucking like that gets me aroused and wet without even having to touch my lover.

If you aren’t truly mindfucking your partner, I guarantee that your sex life is mediocre at best. If you argue that it’s all right, I’ll counter that you haven’t tasted something much, much better and you don’t miss what you’ve never known.

I remember hitting a plateau with a lover. Things were good, but I felt like there was another layer of depth we needed to get to but hadn’t quite made it there. At the same time, there was an issue hovering in the ethers that I hadn’t known how to bring up and had rationalized that maybe it wasn’t an issue.

One weekend we were away together and had plenty of time for such things to rise to the surface. When it did, it required both of us being honest–the kind of honesty that can be scary because you leave yourself very open, and might hurt the other person or even risk losing them. Once we got into that place though and got some momentum, the air became charged and electric. We kept going and reached the place of openness that I felt had been just out of our reach.

When I checked my jeans, they were soaked through. We got to the other side and at that point, the sex was just a bonus. I’d already been thoroughly seen and penetrated.

So go there. You know where I mean.

Call him. Text her. Listen to yourself, not a Maxim article. Uncover the pieces that are there and creating a disturbance. Your work is to keep expressing yourself. Everywhere you can.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think!

“It’s fucked up how many cookies Jesus tells me to eat.”

So I followed him.

Then I checked out his tumblr and found this question that someone had asked him:

Question: “What does heartbreak mean to you?”

Rob’s Answer: “This quote from the Gospel of Thomas hits me hard:

Jesus said, ‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’

If I didn’t follow my heart and do what I feel I must do, my heart would break, and I would die. I don’t associate heartbreak with romance anymore, though I did when I was younger. Actual heartbreak would come if I wasn’t true to myself and my own ideals. For me, this means I have to work full-time at creative pursuits, but in the larger picture it means I must be less selfish, more kind, and work harder than I might “want” to.”

Which I thought was gorgeous. He’s irreverent and reverent–just my type.

It’s hard work remaining true to your ideals.

The first step is identifying them. Sometimes you can borrow from others, but also know that your ideals can change and evolve over time. So the best way to figure out what yours are–since they can differ from everyone else around you–is to go inside. Ask. Listen. You can do this on a moment-to-moment basis to figure out what route to take or to create an overall map for your life.

Once you know what your ideals are, express them. Ask for help, tell someone how you really feel, make a call that will move your business or creative idea forward, finish that writing assignment and book that training seminar.

Take further action and make requests. Do you need to remove someone from your life? Or invite them further in? Do you need to hire a business coach to help you push yourself into action? Do you need to back out of one commitment so you can put effort into another that better reflects the core of you?

It feels good to live your ideals. And it feels shitty not to.

One of the best measures for me of whether I’m living my ideals is how I feel at the end of each day. One of my biggest ideals is growth. Did I challenge myself today? Did I push myself out of my comfort zone? Do I feel like I’m a bigger person because of it? That’s a good day. I can rest now because I put all my effort into making that happen.

At the end of each day, take inventory. Do you feel beautifully spent? Satisfied? If not, figure out where you can you can notch it farther tomorrow.

He got them back.

My Definite Chief Aim

I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest paid Oriental super star in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best of quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970 I will achieve world fame and from then onward till the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness.

Bruce Lee
1969

**

Do this with your dreams and goals, no matter how lofty. Be lofty. Do it in every area of your life: your intimate relationship, your career, your physical health, your connection to God or spirit.

Imagine what an 11 out of 10 would look like. Write it down.

Each day, go into meditation and focus briefly on the finished picture of your goals. For example, one of Bruce Lee’s goals was to be the highest paid Oriental star in the U.S. He might visualize a newspaper headline with his name announcing his salary in his next movie. He could envision a marquee with his name headlining.

Feel what this would be like to see and experience these things. Put yourself there and feel it in your body. This is very important.

Then let it go. All you need is a few minutes each day to focus on it, enliven it and the universe will do the rest. Look out in your daily life for ways your wishes are coming back to you.

They will.

To sum up:

1) Make your list. If you can’t rate your imaginings as an 11/10, they aren’t big enough. Go bigger.

2) Each day, set aside 5-10 minutes. I like to do this in the morning, before I start my day. Commit to this time daily.

3) Bring yourself into a meditative state first. Two suggestions for getting there: a) focus on your breathing or b) chant a high-vibration word. I like the word “Hu.” It’s an ancient name for God. Do either of these two things (or something else) for a few minutes to settle down your mind.

4) Feel the outcome of your desires. How would it feel to be cashing that million-dollar cheque? Or snuggling up next to your soul mate as you fall asleep in each other’s arms? Feel it in your body and evoke an emotional response.

You create your own reality. Every day.

Do it now.

I generally avoid any sort of social circumstances that would force me to muzzle who I am. Although I am socially versatile enough to discriminate what to share where, if I can’t be real and engage in meaningful conversation, I’m bored.

For me, being a sex coach, I have an easy in. When people ask me what I do, I answer that “I’m a life and sex/relationship coach.” This is inevitably met by raised eyebrows and a series of questions. It also tends to be met by the other person sharing details about themselves they wouldn’t normally share with a stranger.

The point is, to get to the good stuff–the meaty, fleshy, raw, authentic stuff that is the essence of really good conversation–someone has to go first. Someone has to dive into being more authentic, more honest and take the conversation a level deeper.

Let it be you.

Whenever I go out, I make sure that I have a fantastic time because I’m more than willing to be the “fool.” I’m put myself out there–I dance like a maniac, I introduce myself to people I don’t know and I get deep, fast.

I play. I have fun.

I remember a friend sharing a story about his wizened 80-year-old grandmother at the Christmas dinner table who was talking about her experiences dating and the trials and tribulations of oral sex. The rest of the family nearly choked on their food and then began a lively discussion of said trials and tribulations. Way to go, grandma!

It doesn’t have to be sex talk (me and grandma just can’t help ourselves), but it has to be real. Go get ‘em!!