Posts Tagged ‘follow your heart’

Mind***king

Monday, May 9th, 2011

There is only one place for games in a relationship: in bed.

The kind of games which involve safe words, role playing and fantasies being acted out–those games are perfectly acceptable in a relationship.

The kind of games that don’t belong in a relationship or courtship are games like:

How many days should I wait to call her?
Should I pretend to like him less?
I’m going to withhold sex until I get what I want.

If you play games like these, you’ll attract people who play games like these. Is that what you really want?

The absolute best and most satisfying sex and relationships involve vulnerability. Honesty. Being open about how you really feel. Sharing your deepest thoughts with another person.

Now that’s mindfucking. Really, good, solid, juicy mindfucking. Mindfucking like that gets me aroused and wet without even having to touch my lover.

If you aren’t truly mindfucking your partner, I guarantee that your sex life is mediocre at best. If you argue that it’s all right, I’ll counter that you haven’t tasted something much, much better and you don’t miss what you’ve never known.

I remember hitting a plateau with a lover. Things were good, but I felt like there was another layer of depth we needed to get to but hadn’t quite made it there. At the same time, there was an issue hovering in the ethers that I hadn’t known how to bring up and had rationalized that maybe it wasn’t an issue.

One weekend we were away together and had plenty of time for such things to rise to the surface. When it did, it required both of us being honest–the kind of honesty that can be scary because you leave yourself very open, and might hurt the other person or even risk losing them. Once we got into that place though and got some momentum, the air became charged and electric. We kept going and reached the place of openness that I felt had been just out of our reach.

When I checked my jeans, they were soaked through. We got to the other side and at that point, the sex was just a bonus. I’d already been thoroughly seen and penetrated.

So go there. You know where I mean.

Call him. Text her. Listen to yourself, not a Maxim article. Uncover the pieces that are there and creating a disturbance. Your work is to keep expressing yourself. Everywhere you can.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think!

Tags: communication, follow your heart, intimacy, intimacy coach, love, relationships, self-actualization, sex coach, Vancouver life coach
Posted in relationships, self-actualization, sex | 2 Comments »

Follow Your Heart

Friday, April 29th, 2011

I discovered Rob Delaney, a comedian who is on twitter, via another pithy soul, Kelly Oxford. The twitter haiku Rob wrote that I fell for was:

“It’s fucked up how many cookies Jesus tells me to eat.”

So I followed him.

Then I checked out his tumblr and found this question that someone had asked him:

Question: “What does heartbreak mean to you?”

Rob’s Answer: “This quote from the Gospel of Thomas hits me hard:

Jesus said, ‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’

If I didn’t follow my heart and do what I feel I must do, my heart would break, and I would die. I don’t associate heartbreak with romance anymore, though I did when I was younger. Actual heartbreak would come if I wasn’t true to myself and my own ideals. For me, this means I have to work full-time at creative pursuits, but in the larger picture it means I must be less selfish, more kind, and work harder than I might “want” to.”

Which I thought was gorgeous. He’s irreverent and reverent–just my type.

It’s hard work remaining true to your ideals.

The first step is identifying them. Sometimes you can borrow from others, but also know that your ideals can change and evolve over time. So the best way to figure out what yours are–since they can differ from everyone else around you–is to go inside. Ask. Listen. You can do this on a moment-to-moment basis to figure out what route to take or to create an overall map for your life.

Once you know what your ideals are, express them. Ask for help, tell someone how you really feel, make a call that will move your business or creative idea forward, finish that writing assignment and book that training seminar.

Take further action and make requests. Do you need to remove someone from your life? Or invite them further in? Do you need to hire a business coach to help you push yourself into action? Do you need to back out of one commitment so you can put effort into another that better reflects the core of you?

It feels good to live your ideals. And it feels shitty not to.

One of the best measures for me of whether I’m living my ideals is how I feel at the end of each day. One of my biggest ideals is growth. Did I challenge myself today? Did I push myself out of my comfort zone? Do I feel like I’m a bigger person because of it? That’s a good day. I can rest now because I put all my effort into making that happen.

At the end of each day, take inventory. Do you feel beautifully spent? Satisfied? If not, figure out where you can you can notch it farther tomorrow.

Tags: create your own reality, follow your heart, intimacy coach, self-actualization, Vancouver life coach
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How to Receive Your Heart’s Desire

Friday, April 8th, 2011

In 1969, a mostly unknown, 28-year old actor and martial artist named Bruce Lee wrote a letter to himself to commit a path for his future. He put ideas to paper and his heart’s desire out into the world.

He got them back.

My Definite Chief Aim

I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest paid Oriental super star in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best of quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970 I will achieve world fame and from then onward till the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness.

Bruce Lee
1969

Do this with your dreams and goals, no matter how lofty. Be lofty. Do it in every area of your life: your intimate relationship, your career, your physical health, your connection to God or spirit.

Imagine what an 11 out of 10 would look like. Write it down.

Each day, go into meditation and focus briefly on the finished picture of your goals. For example, one of Bruce Lee’s goals was to be the highest paid Oriental star in the U.S. He might visualize a newspaper headline with his name announcing his salary in his next movie. He could envision a marquee with his name headlining.

Feel what this would be like to see and experience these things. Put yourself there and feel it in your body. This is very important.

Then let it go. All you need is a few minutes each day to focus on it, enliven it and the universe will do the rest. Look out in your daily life for ways your wishes are coming back to you.

They will.

To sum up:

1) Make your list. If you can’t rate your imaginings as an 11/10, they aren’t big enough. Go bigger.

2) Each day, set aside 5-10 minutes. I like to do this in the morning, before I start my day. Commit to this time daily.

3) Bring yourself into a meditative state first. Two suggestions for getting there: a) focus on your breathing or b) chant a high-vibration word. I like the word “Hu.” It’s an ancient name for God. Do either of these two things (or something else) for a few minutes to settle down your mind.

4) Feel the outcome of your desires. How would it feel to be cashing that million-dollar cheque? Or snuggling up next to your soul mate as you fall asleep in each other’s arms? Feel it in your body and evoke an emotional response.

You create your own reality. Every day.

Do it now.

Tags: adventure, change, confidence, create your own reality, follow your heart, intimacy coach, self-actualization, sex coach, the power of belief, Vancouver life coach
Posted in adventure, belief, entrepreneurship, growth, self-actualization | No Comments »