As Part Three in this series on the many dimensions of amazing sex, I’m talking about mental connection. I’ve said before that the best sex touches you on every level.
Today let’s explore your mind.
The best marriage advice you’ll ever get:
“Marry somebody who turns you the fuck on.”
- Ice T
What turns you on?
Get clear on this. Make a list. Someone asked me this question recently. To give you an idea of what this can look like for you, I’ll share some of my responses. This is a list of some of the things that get me wet. Not metaphorically, like oh-this-is-so-cool; I mean literally dripping and wanton, wet.
Integrity. Number one on my list. When I watch a man display strong ethics and a moral code, I get excited. From the heart and groin, I begin to open. Why? I know I can trust this person. In order for me to open up and surrender, I need to feel safe.
Intelligence and perceptiveness. A razor-sharp mind. Someone who catches everything. When I listen to Rachel Maddow, I feel a stirring in my belly. It’s the no-bullshit, no apologies, tell-it-like-it-is brilliance that bursts out of her. She’s penetrating. And I love being penetrated. There is no hiding with someone like this–they see you even when you are trying not to be found. Who doesn’t want to be found? As Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest need is to be seen.”
Wit and humor. I found this much more prevalent when I lived in London where wit is a national past time. Even the newsagents will banter with you. I’m starved for it in Canada, but when it comes along and someone can create a playful exchange with me, I’m enrapt.
It’s the capacity for play, for taking something serious in the moment and making fun of it. This shows me that someone is able to laugh at themselves, at life and see the deeper and more humorous themes running behind things. Humor can disarm people and open them up in moments when they least expect it.
Plus, banter is psychological foreplay. I lob, he lobs back. I hit really hard and he returns it, with equal power. I want to know that someone is capable of rising up to the occasion.
Essentially, I’m testing out my prospective lovers. All of these qualities have an element that relates to intimacy for me.
They aren’t obvious in the sense of someone having a great ass or six pack abs or having a certain hair color. In fact, I’ve been amazed over the years at the types of people I’ve been smitten by and it has nothing to do with their physiques or appearance.
Although, I can’t say that I don’t notice these things.
Powerful bodies also have a message behind them: the person cares enough about themselves to nourish and strengthen their vessel. Having a carved abdomen takes perseverance and commitment–qualities I want. I know that someone who perseveres in life will persevere in bed. And I love me my marathon sex.
If you are getting to know someone, be conscious of the qualities that are important to your libido-meter. See how many of them are there. If you are in a relationship already, find more ways to connect in the areas that fire you up.
Image: Chris Craymer
