Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

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The Importance of Being Oral

Friday, January 13th, 2012

Oral sex is an excellent barometer for how much you truly adore your partner.

Do you want to taste and absorb every ounce of them?

Are you willing to let them deep, deep inside you? 

Are you in love with the very essence of them?

How much you enjoy oral sex will tell you that.

Your partner’s genitals are the essence of who they are. If you reject that, you are rejecting the core of your partner.

I’ve seen ridiculous products and advice that suggests if people don’t like the taste of their partner’s genitals, they smother them with cherry-cola-poufy-pouf creams and carcinogenic products. If someone offers that, kick them out of bed. DTMFA and move on with your life. You have no time for that shit.

You need to find an organic—in every sense of the word—solution instead.

Like these:

1) Bathe. Hygiene matters. Well, I sorta take that back. When I’m really into someone, I like it when they are sweaty and unwashed. And full of vigor. À la Napoleon. 

You’ve probably heard the famous story where Napoleon writes to his lover, Josephine from the battlefield:

“Am returning in three days. Don’t wash.”

If someone is healthy and eats well, following a clean and Crazy Sexy Lifestyle they are going to smell good. I promise.

I personally love it when my man is full of his own scent. It’s intoxicating.

2) I meant what I said about the barometer stuff. If you have an aversion to your lover’s genitals, I bet you have an aversion to them on other levels as well.

This could be situational: maybe there’s an issue that needs resolving. You need to talk orally before you can play orally.

Or, you truly aren’t a match.

In the ancient Taoist traditions, mates were paired according to their genitals. The genitals know.

Every man I have been totally smitten with, I’ve also been in love with his cock. And vice versa. I rely on my cock radar.

3) There’s an element of submissiveness to performing oral sex. Enjoy it. Let your partner’s genitals truly fuck you. Penetrate you.

“I want to fuck you,” she said. “It’s your face.”
“What about my face?”
“It’s magnificent. I want to destroy your face with my cunt.”
“It might be the other way around.”
“Don’t bet on it.
“
“You’re right. Cunts are indestructable.”

~ Charles Bukowski, Women, 1978.

If you haven’t already, explore this dynamic. As the recipient, be the fuckee, rather than the fucker. Really get into the action. Create an exchange.

4) More on receiving.

If you don’t think you enjoy oral sex, ask yourself this? How connected are you to your masculinity or femininity? Are you confident in it? Do you own it?

If you are dissociated from it—your feminine/masculine energy or your sexuality—you’ll be dissociated from your genitals. You need to reclaim that relationship and then you will feel more. Your genitals become living, sentient beings. With minds of their own.

Clear, trustworthy minds. Build that relationship with them. Love them. Massage them. Pay attention to them.

They are full of wisdom.

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The Six-Day Sex Date

Friday, December 9th, 2011

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I encourage couples to have a weekly sex date. I prescribe three-hour chunks of time carved out for sex. Only sex.

This is sustenance for your relationship.

People often ask what that ought to look like. I say, massage, extended exploration, like 30-45 minutes of oral sex. Fantasy play. Introduce new toys. The key is that those three hours have to be filled up with some kind of sensual interaction.

Me, I’m a marathon fucker. I make no apologies for that. To keep me happy, I require frequent blocks of time dedicated to sex. Like weekends. And weeks.

How do you dedicate six days to sex?

Let me explain.

We’re going to a resort with our own private, jungle villa. We will spend a lot of time in that space.

There’s the “We’re here!” sex. The “This is so amazing that we have this block of time together. I’m so excited to show you how amazing this is!” kind of sex.

There’s “Waking up in the middle of the night, grateful and aroused, in the sultry sea air, and hoisting myself on my lover,” sex.

And the morning sex. “How many ways can I wake you up?” sex. Blow-job, good-morning sex. There’s “I love that your erection between my legs is an alarm clock” sex.

In-between the villa sex, we will go out and eat food. We will need to. For this, and other public excursions, I will wear clothes. But only certain kinds of clothes. Like dresses. I really hate pants and I really resent winter for making pants a necessity.

So there will be dresses. There will not be panties. Even though the world is full of pretty panties, I will wear none of them. My lover will be acutely aware of this, my no-panties rule. Because I will find many ways to remind him. Though I don’t think he will forget.

And there’s yoga. We are keen to do yoga. Because yoga keeps your hip flexors open and relaxed. And that makes keeping my legs open for hours easier. And it stretches your chest and unwinds your blocks—emotional and physical. So yoga is important. Important for the sex.

Also, I bought new, very short, shorts, especially for the occasion. Seriously. I was busy shopping the night before we left because this is so important.

Don’t think I don’t know how I look in cat/cow and down dog. In those shorts? I feel a bit sorry for him, really. He doesn’t stand a chance.

That’s some simmer for you. Foreplay perpetua.

Have I mentioned the public sex yet? I love public sex. And outdoor sex. Beds are okay, but jungles, beaches, boats and up-against-walls are better.

And then there’s the public groping. I will grope his cock and his ass at every opportunity. While I’m standing in front of him, waiting to be seated for dinner, I’ll reach my hand behind him and stroke him, aiming to get him hard before we sit down.

When we eat, we don’t sit across from each other. We sit side-by-side. This is another rule. That way, there can be lots of touching, and leaning into necks to say important, guttural things. There can be soft, murmuring talk that says, “you slay me.” And there can be plenty of wandering, teasing hands.

This is what dinner is all about. And yoga. And everything else in-between the “sex.”

Foreplay perpetua. The constant simmer.

All of our other activities are there to enhance and support the sex. And really, it’s all sex. It’s mindfucking and heartfucking and deep penetration on every level.

That’s how you have six days of sex.

~ Kim
xx

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Posted in love, relationships, sex | 3 Comments »

Feng Shui Your Relationships

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

A major principle in feng shui, the ancient Chinese art of spatial alignment and arranging, is “out with the old and in with the new.”

We clear away unused and outmoded furniture, projects and ideas. The things that we no longer use take up space; space that could be used for new energy, people and situations that would better serve us.

In the realm of relationships: lovers, family and friends, this means resolving the unresolved. Saying what needs to be said to repair, forgive and move on. Sometimes it means ending relationships.

It has to be done.

In order to make room for more love, more joy and peace, all these invisible interferences have to be cleared up.

Here’s how:

1) With people who have the emotional and communication skills to talk to you, talk. Ask them if you can meet. Face-to-face is always best, where possible.

Express your feelings and make requests for what you want. Work with the other person from your most authentic places to find a mutually agreeable solution or understanding.

This scenario is best. But not everyone has those skills and is comfortable with direct discussion.

2) If you can’t get someone to resolve with you, you have to do it on your own.

Write about what happened and how you feel. Or talk to someone, but with the aim of getting insight, not just venting.

Look at your part. Where are you responsible? How did you create this?

As soon as you bring responsibility back to you, you’ve gained your power back. So long as you are stuck blaming other people, you have no power.

Glean what you could do differently and take that with you. Let go of the other person’s actions.

3) Even in situations where you clearly were “wronged,” was there a belief you had that attracted that situation to you? For example, “bad things always happen to me” is a belief that will perpetuate bad things always happening to you!

Again, come back to yourself and see where you can take responsibility for your thoughts and behaviours.

I believe in reincarnation and karma, so sometimes the origin was with me, but it was further back than I can consciously remember! In situations like this, I still look for patterns for where I might have participated. I ask my inner guidance to show me what my role is. And how to learn from it.

***

Unfinished relationship business takes up just as much space as old boxes, half-finished projects, undone income tax and messy rooms. Take the steps to clear it up.

I’ll go first.

Yesterday I called someone to arrange a “let’s clear this up” meeting that ought to have taken place eight months ago. Just having made the call and set up a date makes me feel lighter.

Do it today!

Think of a conversation or healing that needs to happen. Make the first move to resolve it.

The video made me cry. Hopefully it will make you cry too! ;)

~ Kim
xx

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