Yeah, I know. Everything sounds sexual when you do what I do.
Over the years as I’ve evolved as a sex coach, I’ve experienced my own “coming out.”
Since I do life coaching and sex coaching, I would often choose one moniker over the other when introducing myself to new people or at certain events.
Up until recently, in the spiritual path that I follow, I would use “life coach.” I went to a large seminar a few weeks ago and decided to “come out” to these people.
My first experience was well-received. I was at dinner with a group of friends, one of whom knows what I do for a living.
I went for it.
I talked about powerful vaginas. How they can increase orgasmic potential and how they are able to make a man ejaculate or stop him from ejaculating with their great power. I spoke of eating come and why deep throating makes you a better person.
Then I shared with them what I see as the key to lifelong passion and activating the power of your intimate relationship: surrender.
Opening oneself up. Learning how to let go and step aside so that a greater power can come in.
Which is much like the road to God.
They loved it. They’d never heard anyone talk like that or link it altogether: whole-person sex and love.
Later that weekend, a woman I know locally approached me. She wanted to share with me that she thought I was too sexy. And that my “too sexiness” was not appropriate for the venue we were in. She told me that “people were talking.”
My sexual energy is integrated into my very being. I don’t think about it; it just is me. I don’t try to overtly BE sexy or dress sexy.
I just AM one sexy muthafucka.
Love it or leave it.
I don’t believe in women or anyone having to hide their sexuality—either with their clothing choices or how they behave. It is the equivalent of burqa-izing oneself.
My first thought was to let her have her opinions. She was coming from a very different place than me. But I have to admit, I was upset by the encounter. I was upset that people can judge like that, gossip, say mean things. And do it in such a cowardly, behind-your-back way.
So I harnessed my upset.
I told this woman how sex for me is about self-actualization. How we all have to collectively work to rise above the unnatural suppression that exists, especially for women. I told her how deep sex mixed with love opens and transforms us in a way that few things can.
I was passionate and fierce and vulnerable.
She started to cry.
I was already crying.
Once she could see how firm I was in my truth, she not only backed down, but it illuminated something in her. She saw a way of looking at this that hadn’t occurred to her before. As the discussion wound down, she asked me for my website. A few days later she emailed me to ask if she could coach with me.
It’s important to get your views across. To make sure that you are understood—that is your responsibility.
Not everyone will get it. If you can get to your own truth, and articulate it, you can wake up the truth in others as well.
Where are you hanging back and not fully expressing yourself? Where have you backed down? Where do you need to rise up?
Your life and self-worth will thank you when you do.
Stencil: Eddie Colla
