Posts Tagged ‘sex’

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The Importance of Being Oral

Friday, January 13th, 2012

Oral sex is an excellent barometer for how much you truly adore your partner.

Do you want to taste and absorb every ounce of them?

Are you willing to let them deep, deep inside you? 

Are you in love with the very essence of them?

How much you enjoy oral sex will tell you that.

Your partner’s genitals are the essence of who they are. If you reject that, you are rejecting the core of your partner.

I’ve seen ridiculous products and advice that suggests if people don’t like the taste of their partner’s genitals, they smother them with cherry-cola-poufy-pouf creams and carcinogenic products. If someone offers that, kick them out of bed. DTMFA and move on with your life. You have no time for that shit.

You need to find an organic—in every sense of the word—solution instead.

Like these:

1) Bathe. Hygiene matters. Well, I sorta take that back. When I’m really into someone, I like it when they are sweaty and unwashed. And full of vigor. À la Napoleon. 

You’ve probably heard the famous story where Napoleon writes to his lover, Josephine from the battlefield:

“Am returning in three days. Don’t wash.”

If someone is healthy and eats well, following a clean and Crazy Sexy Lifestyle they are going to smell good. I promise.

I personally love it when my man is full of his own scent. It’s intoxicating.

2) I meant what I said about the barometer stuff. If you have an aversion to your lover’s genitals, I bet you have an aversion to them on other levels as well.

This could be situational: maybe there’s an issue that needs resolving. You need to talk orally before you can play orally.

Or, you truly aren’t a match.

In the ancient Taoist traditions, mates were paired according to their genitals. The genitals know.

Every man I have been totally smitten with, I’ve also been in love with his cock. And vice versa. I rely on my cock radar.

3) There’s an element of submissiveness to performing oral sex. Enjoy it. Let your partner’s genitals truly fuck you. Penetrate you.

“I want to fuck you,” she said. “It’s your face.”
“What about my face?”
“It’s magnificent. I want to destroy your face with my cunt.”
“It might be the other way around.”
“Don’t bet on it.
“
“You’re right. Cunts are indestructable.”

~ Charles Bukowski, Women, 1978.

If you haven’t already, explore this dynamic. As the recipient, be the fuckee, rather than the fucker. Really get into the action. Create an exchange.

4) More on receiving.

If you don’t think you enjoy oral sex, ask yourself this? How connected are you to your masculinity or femininity? Are you confident in it? Do you own it?

If you are dissociated from it—your feminine/masculine energy or your sexuality—you’ll be dissociated from your genitals. You need to reclaim that relationship and then you will feel more. Your genitals become living, sentient beings. With minds of their own.

Clear, trustworthy minds. Build that relationship with them. Love them. Massage them. Pay attention to them.

They are full of wisdom.

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The Most Powerful Weapon You Have

Friday, December 30th, 2011

I was asking an empire builder what his secret was to making money. He looked surprised and right away said that it wasn’t about the money.

It was because he LOVED doing it. He loved collecting companies and rebuilding them and making them successful. Like nurturing children.

The most powerful weapon/tool you have in your life is your heart.

It keeps you connected to the flow of spirit. And when you are in the flow, there is nothing you can’t do. The universe sends you wisdom, people and miracles on your path.

I’ve spent a lot of time disconnected from my heart. The past few months have been pivotal for me in regaining that connection. And living there.

You have heard that even from a scientific perspective, the heart is where it’s at. In fact, your heart is smarter than your brain.

When people say things like “Put your heart into it!” or we talk about the importance of FEELING IT when we visualize what we want, it’s HUGE.

If your heart isn’t in it, it ain’t happening. Or it’ll happen slowly and painfully.

In this time of setting new intentions, here’s what I’ve learned about staying connected to my heart:

1) Everyday, I need to do at least one thing I totally love.

I feel amazing when I exercise daily. Exercise hard, daily. It’s self-love.

I make time for yoga or Pilates or running in the forest. It’s my therapy. I get back in my body and into my true nature.

2) Connect with other people who live in their hearts. Or, radiate so much heart-ness that it brings them into their hearts.

I had a, uh, disagreement with a clerk at a vitamin shop a few months back. Or, I could view it that we were both in our heads. She’s very knowledgeable and yesterday, after an injury, I knew she’d be the one to talk to about supplements.

I approached her, breathless and high and full of love. (As is becoming my natural state). And she got really excited to talk about sports and her passions. I watched her totally open up. It brought tears to my eyes, I felt so in my heart and connected to her.

3) Prioritize social contact. This might be second nature for some people, but it hasn’t been for me. The nature of my work and my life means I spend a lot of time on my own. I have to schedule in playtime and connection time.

The more I’m in my heart, I can connect with anyone, anywhere on a deeper level.

When I was coming back from my six-day sex date, I was flying separately from my partner. I was seated next to a couple of women—synchronicity—one was a holistic nutritionist and the other a singer with a huge libido (I can see these things a mile away).

The nutritionist’s boyfriend was across the aisle and trying to order me around. Seriously. I told him to back off and then I told him that he needed to liberate his G-Spot (I kind of said it like that. I can also see these things from a mile away). I pressed the issue. His girlfriend laughed so hard she was crying. Then the singer and I explained how and why this was important. We had girl/sex talk/bonding time for a few hours.

Em, the point here is that you can have fun and feel love (or G-Spot love) anywhere.

4) Ask spirit for help. Some people call this praying.

When I get stuck and back in my head, I feel numb. Life feels empty. So I ask spirit to bring me back. Sometimes I write letters. Or I meditate.

I recognize that I’m out of the flow. I ask for help to get back in it.

I was out of the flow one day last week. I was grumpy. I wrote a long letter to spirit. And then, in a high spiritual way (not), I expressed my grumpiness to a neighbour who I felt was responsible for making me grumpy.

His response? He invited me for brunch with his family. I was so stunned I started to cry. My heart cracked back open in that moment. I went for brunch, loved it and see him in a whole new light now. He kept saying to me: “God wanted me to irritate you so that you’d come for brunch. See? Look how beautiful this is!”

He was right.

5) You knew I would go here.

Heart/genital love amplifies love. Where do you think the term “making love” comes from? The raw, intimate space we get into when we truly let down our guards with another human, getting naked on every possible level, cultivates love. Breeds it.

In our deepest vulnerability is our deepest power. So go very, very deep. Deeper, more honest than you think you can. And see what happens.

Now go forth and multiply, my lovelies.

***

How much do you live in your heart? What brings you and keeps you there? Schedule in at least one thing DAILY that keeps you in your heart. Your whole life will flow

Thank you, all my beautiful and passionate readers, for your love and support over the year!! I love travelling on this journey with you! This year is all about getting you deeper into your hearts and everything else. Many exciting ventures on the way!

Much love,

Kim

Heart by Laurel True

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The Six-Day Sex Date

Friday, December 9th, 2011

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I encourage couples to have a weekly sex date. I prescribe three-hour chunks of time carved out for sex. Only sex.

This is sustenance for your relationship.

People often ask what that ought to look like. I say, massage, extended exploration, like 30-45 minutes of oral sex. Fantasy play. Introduce new toys. The key is that those three hours have to be filled up with some kind of sensual interaction.

Me, I’m a marathon fucker. I make no apologies for that. To keep me happy, I require frequent blocks of time dedicated to sex. Like weekends. And weeks.

How do you dedicate six days to sex?

Let me explain.

We’re going to a resort with our own private, jungle villa. We will spend a lot of time in that space.

There’s the “We’re here!” sex. The “This is so amazing that we have this block of time together. I’m so excited to show you how amazing this is!” kind of sex.

There’s “Waking up in the middle of the night, grateful and aroused, in the sultry sea air, and hoisting myself on my lover,” sex.

And the morning sex. “How many ways can I wake you up?” sex. Blow-job, good-morning sex. There’s “I love that your erection between my legs is an alarm clock” sex.

In-between the villa sex, we will go out and eat food. We will need to. For this, and other public excursions, I will wear clothes. But only certain kinds of clothes. Like dresses. I really hate pants and I really resent winter for making pants a necessity.

So there will be dresses. There will not be panties. Even though the world is full of pretty panties, I will wear none of them. My lover will be acutely aware of this, my no-panties rule. Because I will find many ways to remind him. Though I don’t think he will forget.

And there’s yoga. We are keen to do yoga. Because yoga keeps your hip flexors open and relaxed. And that makes keeping my legs open for hours easier. And it stretches your chest and unwinds your blocks—emotional and physical. So yoga is important. Important for the sex.

Also, I bought new, very short, shorts, especially for the occasion. Seriously. I was busy shopping the night before we left because this is so important.

Don’t think I don’t know how I look in cat/cow and down dog. In those shorts? I feel a bit sorry for him, really. He doesn’t stand a chance.

That’s some simmer for you. Foreplay perpetua.

Have I mentioned the public sex yet? I love public sex. And outdoor sex. Beds are okay, but jungles, beaches, boats and up-against-walls are better.

And then there’s the public groping. I will grope his cock and his ass at every opportunity. While I’m standing in front of him, waiting to be seated for dinner, I’ll reach my hand behind him and stroke him, aiming to get him hard before we sit down.

When we eat, we don’t sit across from each other. We sit side-by-side. This is another rule. That way, there can be lots of touching, and leaning into necks to say important, guttural things. There can be soft, murmuring talk that says, “you slay me.” And there can be plenty of wandering, teasing hands.

This is what dinner is all about. And yoga. And everything else in-between the “sex.”

Foreplay perpetua. The constant simmer.

All of our other activities are there to enhance and support the sex. And really, it’s all sex. It’s mindfucking and heartfucking and deep penetration on every level.

That’s how you have six days of sex.

~ Kim
xx

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